I just felt the need to vent. I don't expect anybody to read this, because to be honest, nobody I know would take the time to just see what I was thinking or try to get a better understanding of my mind. I hate that but I love that, because now I see that this can be a platform for me to just vent.
First off: People suck.
Okay, glad to get that off of my shoulders. I say that not because my life sucks, but rather because people are so fucking ignorant of others and their cultures and who they are. I am not exempt from this. I do try to understand why people say and act as they do. For instance, I know that there are at least a few girls at my school that hate me. At first I didn't know why. Now I think I know, and I think it's because I am a "know it all" to them. I don't like to look at it that way. I like to think that if I overhear a question that I know the answer to, or a problem I can help with, that maybe I can be of service and be useful. Apparently not.
Secondly: Media Overload
I just spent the last 8 hours almost entirely watching movies. This is something I love to do and I haven't had a chance to do this since the summer. Now though, I am a different person. I thought back on my "Life Doesn't Have to Be Meaningless" class. I thought about what these things were telling me. Here is what i watched, and I will roughly state what I got from it.
Home Alone: I have seen this movie many times, but now looking back on it after not having seen it in a while, I see it in a different light. The movie is basically all about self-suficientcy. It is about learning how to take care of yourself. It actually reminds me of the many cultures that would have a boy enter the woods and fend for himself with no resources at his disposal. Basically, that is what Kevin (The protagonist) has to do. He learns how to make things continue as they would, all on his own.
Seven Pounds: I wanted to see this mainly because of Will Smith. I won't lie. He is one of my favorite actors and I think that he is much better than many people realize. I think that his character was interesting because he just wasn't what you would expect. I saw the whole "got his wife killed and was guilt-ridden by this horrific event and had to help others" shpeel, because honestly, I have seen it all over. But what was interesting was that he wasn't an honest man. He lied to people constantly and even insulted people. He did it to test them, to make sure that they were good people. While this is interesting, the ending had me wonder whether or not he was a good person in the eyes of say God. He blatently defied the commandments in order to help others. This was just not something I expected. It was weird to see such a mainstream star take on a role in which the moral is to help others, even if it takes a toll on your own life. Kinda fucked up. I think this is a good marginal message, borderline prohibited.
Punisher, War Zone: I just wanted to see this because I am a comic book fan. This didn't get great reviews, but ended up being a great example of a lot of things. The Punisher's whole gimmick is that his family was killed in front of him and it was his fault, so he takes it out on the bad and tries to make things better, similar to the "got his wife killed and was guilt-ridden by this horrific event and had to help others" shpeel. He has a seen in a church and a lot of religious undertones are present in the film, making it very apparent that you are supposed to question whether he is good or not. At the end he is called a good man my the family of somebody he killed, which is too "Hallmark". To be honest, he is going to Hell. He will rot in there with the killed, no matter what the reason. The Bible says not to kill, and he does so. A lot. A LOT. A good 4 years of it to be exact. I think that this is just Hollywood looking for money, and the message is to just kill the bad people, even though that makes you no better than them. I don't even want to get to the deeper analysis of this, but it has a lot more layers than people would notice, or so I think.
Religulous: I heard so many good things about this that I had to see it. I enjoy a good documentary now and them, so long as it has relevance and is modern. I think that Bill Maher did a fantastic job here and pointed out just how ignorant people are. I actually lost a lot of faith in people from this alone. I however have not questioned my religion as a result. I was raised Catholic. I don't remember half the stuff they taught me and I don't know if I truly believe it all. But in recent days I have felt more and more like there is a God. My whole life has been littered with little coincidences when I ask God for something. And a lot of times there was nothing. Lately I have had some troubles though and I think I have been seeing many signs that are leading to me recovering. This movie was good, and I could probably get a lot from it if I wasn't tired at 2:00 am and listening to my music. I definetely want to go back to this and go deeper into this, because I think it is a great example of how the world is changing and how people try to profit off of religion.
Lastly: The night is darkest just before the dawn.
Okay, if you are reading this and thinking "What a loser, he just quoted fucking Dark Knight" then why are you reading this? I mean really, leave. But for me, this quote has a lot of relevance, because I just have felt so shitty lately and people have not helped me at all and I have done things I am not proud of. But things look dramatically better now, and tomorrow (technically today) could be the greatest day of the year for me. I just think that the world can really congest you at times and you need to take a step back and just have people time. The events of this year didn't do anything to change me as a person. Rather, what has affected me is people around me. I just hate the world but love people right now, and hate what the world is doing to people.